EVERWHIM

everwhim is me and kenny and the things we make.

we live in vancouver washington--outside of portland oregon--with our two kids, everett and wally, and our small dog zero. kenny and i have been married 15 years and still like each other quite a bit. we feel quite lucky to have our eccentric kids and our "cat" dog... she looks and acts quite a bit like a cat, yet is still very much a dog. 

in the past i have avoided or limited sharing about myself on the open internet. yet that is primarily what an artists website is about. the irony is not lost. in the past ive relied on the 'letting my work speak for itself' sentiment. unfortunately, art and creative work is subjective. due to the unpredictable nature of other's perception of my work, occasionally they come to strange, silly, odd, bizarre, and more frustratingly--incorrect assumptions about me, my creative process, my personality and so on. it happens to everyone in varying degrees, and can be avoided or compounded by the varied amount of masking or vulnerability, the purpose of the work created, and the amount of control and aptitude the artist has within the medium and circumstances. i hope to be more vulnerable and authentic with my work and creative process --without oversharing to the point of giving myself an anxiety attack. although i am long winded, and cant seem to share a story from a logical beginning to end, so here are the threats and the cut and paste pieces about my life and the ideas that run around in my head. 

so anyways, here i am starting fresh. 

creating new work and also re-discovering pieces i still love from my past. 

everwhim started years ago as a rebrand of my photography business. its slowly became more of a pen name per se. an umbrella for the all creative work kenny and i do. everwhim is my instagram. it is often my user name when one is required. ive found there are so many jennifer hogans in the world, it is helpful to have something different. i haven't grown tired of it (a sort of miracle in itself) and i think its still a fitting name 15 years later. 

i went to a trade school in Santa Barbara called Brooks Institute of Photography in the mid 2000s, and although i was unable to finish, i had completed the fundamental curriculum and had less than a year left to complete my degree. brooks is no longer in business, and i have so many complicated feelings and thoughts about this. i hope someday to go back to school and finish a degree in something that interests me, but at this point i am learning to be humble and utilize my curiosity in other ventures. 

afterwards i started photographing weddings and portraits, assisting other photographers, and also working at a cafe and framing shop.

in high school i was a part of the "art accademy" at our public school. they explained it as a school within a school. we had priority for art classes and had most of our core subjects together so we could have field trips and lectures that didnt cause as many logistical interuptions. it was a unique experience, and like many youth, i didn't quite appreciate enough at the time. i was also a part of a youth arts collective. two amazing artists founded and cultivated an art studio for teenagers to create and learn in. i produced very little work while there, but was gifted so much room to learn, imagine, and be a part of a creative community. 

at that pivitol point in my life, i was lucky to have had a handfull of artists mentoring me and showing me that it is possible to be an artist in our world. 

throughout young adulthood i very dilliegently explored non artistic education and carreer paths, but was very unsuccessful. ironically the dream vocation of my childhood may actually be the most practical venture i can follow. 

kenny works full time at athropologie in portland as their display artist. he is quite talented at his job and very humbled and shy when i brag about him. he went to a small collage in the santa cruz mountains in california, and graduated with a liberal arts major and music minor. he moved to the monterey area to be near me, and transfered from urban outfitters to anthropologie. he is naturally creative and artistically talented, so when the stores display artist quit right before christmas he was able to convince them to give him a trial run. 3 stores and 16+ years latter he still is doing beautiful windows and interior displays in their stores. when i was shooting regularly he would often assist and second shoot for me. thoughout the years we have done lots of freelance art installations together. i love the crafting repetitive small skill work, kenny is exceptional at large scale installations, so we tend to make a good team. 

day to day i now stay at home and attempt to keep up with the domestic shit  necessities, while the kids are at school. then i keep the kids alive until kenny gets home. i am not a "marry poppins" by any extent of the imagination, and despite many assumptions, i am not a pinterest mom. although we are vegan i am by no means a natural/crunchy/outdoorsy/healthy mom (although i envy and admire all the parents who are). my kids make themselves an absurd amount of vegan top roman and microwaved leftovers. as i shared-- i manage to keep them alive. i try to make them do crafts with me, and they try to help me understand video games. they love a good math problem, i love not doing math. thankfully we all enjoy playing cards and bord games, and cuddling up with a book or movie. i love the elementary school stage of life my kids are in. they are weird, fun, and interesting. 

 have always been a creative person as long as i can remember and felt an impulsive need to be doing something artistic or crafty. i can get absorbed in my own world, especially when i start to explore a new medium, i can completely loose sense of the world happening around me. it can be lovely and quite problematic as im told its sometimes important for people need to eat even when they are doing something they love. in a more practical sense, i managed much better in school when i could make something during class lectures--so many baby blankets and beanies made in those seasons. 

like many artists and creatives, i struggle with perfectionism. oddly my favorite works of art - my own and others - tend to be messy and imperfect. i find myself trying to balance proficiency and heart. i find it is more difficult for me to share my own "imperfect" work even when i personally love it more than something that meets the technical standards i have self imposed. i think that is the tension of creating something for the sake of creating, verses for a specific set of expectations. finding that balance can be so difficult and in my case was a part of what lead to my burnout as a photographer. i was proud of my work, but it started to tax me as i (understandably working for a client with expectations) took less risks. i had less time to create work for myself, and my inspiration became a burden rather than a source if joy. 

i am also an introvert that can pretend to be an extravert. i would survive an event and then be dead for several weeks. which is problematic if you have a job do do before you recover from the first "adventure"

ive had an unending list of frustrating physical and mental health adventures come up in the last 10 or so years that have interrupted so much of what i imagined my life would be like. learning to be realistic with what i can and cannot take on is still a process, but i feel i am beginning to come to terms with it. 

kenny and i are both neurodivergent, for all the good and bad that comes with it, our lucky children have two parents with adhd. this last year i was also evaluated and diagnosed on the autism spectrum. my own unconscious ablism/biases and general misunderstanding of the spectrum was a significant reason i avoided--even considering it might be a part of my story. my fear kept me from better understanding myself, my own needs, and realistic limitations. masking can be a great tool in moderation, but as a mom to young kids, my coping skills no longer could keep up and the mask started to fall apart. which a first felt like, i myself-- my entirety --was falling apart. in some real ways i was. disclosing my diagnosis and unmasking amongst individual friends felt risky at first, and feels even more so in public on the internet. i share all this because i think its important context for those who want to understand and know me better, and for those i might work with in the future. its also worth noting that the autism spectrum is in fact a very diverse with many different ways it presents in different people. the overall unity is found in seeing and experiencing the world differently than a neurotypical person.  i have misunderstanding so much from others who have been open online with their life experiences on the spectrum. life can feel alienating and lonely when your emotions, motivations, values, personality are often misunderstood. i hope by sharing a little more about myself contributes to someone else feeling a little more safe being themself, and i hope my vulnerability creates more empathy and compassion among those i engage with. 

when i was very young, my parents told be that i would repeat phases like a little parrot. my dad loved show off my skills, and regularly asked me to say "im so homely". it was indeed a crowd favorite. i was a small with grey eyes, blond hair, often in pigtails, and dressed in 80s ruffles. i thought the phase meant i liked to stay at home. i remember the response made sense to me since my dad is very extraverted outgoing, while i just wanted to go home already. 

i am still fairly (very) content being a hermit. hiding at home with my absolute favorite people, and having occasional visits from dear friends makes me happy. although i do live in a reasonably bright apartment in a 119 year old farmhouse, rather than a dark hole on a reclusive mountain top. and i assure you i am not an old troll or ogre complaining under a bridge...yet. my kids may disown me if things get that far. 

yet i would likely drive myself mad if i couldn't make things. sewing, crocheting, drawing, have all played an essential part in acceptable stimming behavior for me. which has come in handy when my adhd takes on creative projects that might otherwise be overwhelming. when my adhd is enchanted by a new project, my autism loves a repetitive one. i was lucky to have naturally found a way to balance the two parts of myself at times throughout my life without realizing how much it helped me regulate my competing sensory needs. 

unfortunately my brain is not so agile with business. although i feel confident making lovely things of value, i can easily shy away from asking for compensation. it makes my soul ache. i dont want to do it. but i still find myself needing to pay for groceries, rent, my phone, etc. and stimming pretty baby blankets to give away gets expensive. 

i am aware that i am long winded, so thank you for reading my chapter book, my tangle of rabbit trails and eccentric musings. i realize i can be all over the place. if you've read this far, i think its fare to say you might be interested in the why behind my work.

 i am known to be fascinated by the small details of society, and how they knit together and impact the whole network of our lives. i cant get lost in observing the trees and the forest at the expense of enjoying the experience of fresh air, dappled sunlight, delicate moss, small creatures, and the beauty and joy being present on the forest floor. for me, being a part of a moment is much more challenging than observing or creating space for one to happen for someone else. but when i do get lost in the nows, its simply magic, and that is what i hope my work can be a small part of creating. lovely present moments for others. and the wonder of creating any form of lasting art is that is for the present, and the future present. it can be constant, and it can change. it can speak to the tangible and intangible. and that gives my grumpy heart hope and motivates me to share that feeling with others. 

i dont expect to ever craft anything so breathtaking as the organic nature that surrounds us. but the little things like coming across a forgotten collection of pretty papers tucked in the back of a drawer. or a friends beautiful painting on the wall. or the cozy familiar texture of a handmade blanket. those little details i can be a part of, and i am honored to have been invited into so many lives in that way, and i am thrilled to be a part of that tradition in the future.